There’s so much going on these days I don’t think a simple “Five Things” will cover it so I’ve lumped things together (because how bizarre is it that these things can be lumped together?
- Hearts // last week my mom was in the hospital with an unusually high heart rate. This week? V’s aunt had a heart attack and is having surgery as I type this.
- Cars // last week my car battery died on me on Monday which kind of started this downward spiral (battery was replaced and is working fine now). This week? There’s been some neighborhood crime LITERALLY outside my door (between the two streets I live on). SEVEN cars had their windows smashed and were broken in to since last Thursday. I’m paranoid of parking my car at home! Thankfully I haven’t been home since last Thursday really so hopefully this has all gone away but my car will be parked at home tonight and I’m worried about it.
- Decisions // I’ve always been the extremely analytical type. From what I wear to work tomorrow and what I eat for dinner tonight to what kind of car I might drive in a few years or the phone I want to buy. I have to turn decisions over and over in my head until I reach a definitive answer (it’s actually depressing how long it takes me to pick out an outfit for the next day). I don’t know how many choices and decision a person is faced with every day, but the more I have to make (and the more BIG ones that take longer time to think about and you can’t arrive at a simple solution right away) the harder it becomes for me to make any decision at all. I’m so caught up in trying to solve XYZ that I can’t solve A, B, C….
- Anxiety // Which brings me to my anxiety. I’ve been trying to overcome it through talking, painting, piano, long showers, cooking, writing, reading, taking walks, and music. Anything that makes you focus on that thing and nothing else. I recognize that I have anxiety. I try to manage it and minimize it’s affects on those around me (mainly, my poor boyfriend). And I try to not let it overcome me. I think that’s the most important. Anxiety crushes you. It makes it hard to breathe. It makes you depressed and scared and gives you OCD. But the world is too beautiful of a place to hide from. A lot of the time people ask why you can’t just stop being anxious. Just stop worrying. It’s not that simple. It’s not something you snap out of. But it is something that doesn’t have to hold you back either.
- The Worst Year Ever? // I’ve been convinced this year is going to be the best year ever. Like…EVER. Oprah would be impressed kind of EVER. But then I started to think about other factors I can’t contribute to that could actually make it the worst year ever. I can’t control my car needing major work. I can’t control the health and wealth of my friends and family. I can’t control the weather. My neighbors. Or what might happen at work. That’s scary to me (See Above) but I don’t know what else to do about it but keep trying to make this year work. Just force it to be the best year ever, no matter what. Can I do it?