Insomnia redeux

There are many areas of life that I fall short in. Consistently writing is one of them. But in attempt to stick with something, (NaBloPoMo or whatever it’s called…National Blog Posting Month, sister of NaNoWriMo) here’s my half-baked day 2 post and a random photo. What the heck.

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I would’ve posted earlier in the day but I couldn’t think of anything travel-y related (or that I could even force to be travel related) to talk about. Until just now when I suddenly tired.

The insomnia continues.

My first sleepless night was two Monday’s ago so up until last night, I’m at 10 nights of sleeplessness (there was one night I actually slept decent enough to call a good night’s rest).

The only effect it seems to have had on my life is me lying in bed, frustrated after an hour and a half of just….lying there. But I seem to be fine during the days and apparently (thankfully) have lost a bit of weight as a result. (I tried googling insomnia but as soon as I saw “depression” and “bi-polar” I quit. Never try to self-diagnose on the internet….)

But this reminds me of that one time in England (similar to “this one time in band camp” which I really do have stories from!) when I was awake at the most ungodly hour flipping through a Boot’s Pharmacy holiday catalog and cutting out pictures. I listened to Texas Rain by Sleeperstar on repeat for hours. And hours. “On Fifth and Main there’s a big parade / where the children play / and take their youth for granted. Oh my…gotta keep movin on.”

I think by the time I actually passed out it was around 6am. And then I woke up just a few hours later to start the day.

I remember pacing my room. Moving my tiny desk lamp back and forth between my desk and my bed. That silly catalog. Laying horizontally on my little bed pushed up against the wall. I kind of wish it could have been filmed and then sped up through time-lapse.

There was no cause for the sleeplessness back then. I’d spent plenty of nights awake at 4am coding or pouring over books to try and code something.

But now? Life isn’t any more stressful than it normally is. Life as we know it is……average.

So why can’t I sleep? Even when I’m tired I can’t sleep. I’ve been trying to bore myself to sleep by listening to a book on tape (erm…iPhone). I’ve tired TV and movies. I’ll drift but as soon as it stops…my eyes snap open. And finally, most importantly, I’ve tried praying. In the past, sleeplessness has been caused by worry or stress of some sort. As soon as I give that up to Him, I sleep like a baby.

Maybe there’s so much my head is trying to process it won’t shut down and it can’t even articulate it to God anymore?

Sleep and I used to be best friends. It was my favourite part of every day. But now? I feel like an estranged friend.

If you’re listening, sleep. I miss you! I love you. Please come home.