(Okay, not technically lo mein because I used egg noodles instead of Chinese noodles…but in my defense, the first time I made this concoction I used rice noodles…which again, isn’t Chinese noodles, but it’s closer than egg noodles).

There’s something about eating McDonalds three days in a row that really makes you re-think your life. (I didn’t say this was recent…….but then again, maybe it was *strokes chin*). I still don’t go to the gym anymore (read: hardly at all), but I do fancy making lunch and dinner a lot more. (I still eat Wheaties or Life for breakfast at work with my morning cups of coffee).

There are many perks to cooking your own meals:

  • I know what ingredients are in it
  • I can make it more salty/spicy/whatever
  • It’s like a giant science experiment, and I love science
  • When I’m over at V’s I can make us legit dinner (and let’s be honest, this all really started with that one dinner I made us a while back that I planned for days in advance and that actually turned out okay-ish)

There’s a bit of back story to this lo mein (skip to the pictures if you just want the darn recipe) that all started on Sunday. There I was just finished cleaning and I really wanted Chinese food. I spent no less than 15 minutes googling recipes for lo mein but they all involved oyster sauce, of which I was too lazy to go downstairs to the market (that is literally below the apartment and doesn’t even require you to walk outside) to buy. So then I called China Sea on 6th but they were closed so I’d have to either walk to Euclid to pick up Chinese OR wait an hour for it to be delivered. Too lazy for the first option (hello, I wouldn’t even walk downstairs) and too hungry for the second.

So back to the original plan of making lo mein. I guess I’ll just put on shoes, walk my tired butt to the elevator, and buy some oyster sauce.


I forgot the market closed early on Sundays.


But there was an assortment of Asian sauces leftover from that dinner I made that one time (see last bullet point above) so I decided to wing it. Hoisin sauce was brown…lo mein is kind of brown…

Commence the best faux lo mein concoction of my life:

0 // Boil some water for the noodles. I use an electric kettle to speed things up.

1 // Throw frozen veg (I used Target’s Market Pantry Asian Blend) and shrimp (again, generic Target Market Pantry, fully cooked, tail off, salad shrimp) into a wok and let it steam to defrost. I put a lid on it for extra steam power.


2 // Drop in your noodles, cook noodles, drain noodles. Easy peasy! Also at this time the veg should be fully defrosted. If there’s excess water in the bottom of the wok, drain that off as well.


3 // Assemble your sauces! (sauce, sauce!) I bought these all at Buehler’s but I’m pretty sure they’re sold at all (good) grocery stores.


4// Add in a teaspoon of sesame oil and let the veg fry a bit (and by fry I mean not fry at all. The sesame just smells good). Then a tablespoon (or whatever you want) of Hoisin sauce, a splash (or two) of soy sauce, and a long squeeze of sriracha, depending on how spicy you want it (and let me tell you, internet, sriracha is spicy as eff to me…but I like to cry over my dinner so I put in a generous amount). Then add in your noodles to coat them as well (and get warm again if they got cold waiting around for the veg)


5// Dish it upppppppp, son.