Well, it’s happening again, internet.

I find myself so wildly panicked by the future that I can only focus on today.

Next month V is moving and is trying to find a place for the two of us we both agree on (he has low standards and I have very high ones). I should be helping look, but I’m not.

The month after that we’re hopefully taking a beautifully long vacation to New England. And then the month after that has every weekend filled with fall activities.

So much going on! So much to plan for! So much to look forward to!

But I can’t. For some reason all these things in my head just keeping raining on my parade. Potential trouble in paradise. Foiled vacation plans. Second guessing on decisions that have already been made.

All I can focus on is what I’m going to do today. I’ll work. I have dinner plans with a friend. And then I’ll go home or possibly go downtown.

I can’t focus on what other people are doing today. What they’re doing tomorrow. Or even what I’m doing tomorrow.

I can’t fake excitement. It’s exhausting to fake a smile and it’s equally as exhausting to live in your own head all of the time. So I’ll just have to live today by the minute. By the hour. Tomorrow will be here eventually and hopefully bring with it a new attitude.