There’s only one thing I hate more than the airport security screening line……..It’s the jerk who holds up said line.

Herded like cattle, clutching dull grey plastic bins, shoeless…It’s how I’ve always known flying. (Prior to 9/11 I had never flown so I don’t know what airport security used to be like). After a while (read: after your first time flying), you get jaded.

You reach for a bin, you hand the guy behind you a bin to be nice…you know to stash your watch in your bag, take off your shoes/coat/scarf, put your laptop in it’s own bin, put your liquids on top, have your boarding pass ready. Something I have gotten down to a science. I can do all of this in less than 10 seconds. (I like to think I’m the TSA’s dream.)

You know to walk through the detector praying it doesn’t go off to the tune of the Wal-Mart stolen-goods detector…and wait for your things to come out of the scanner.


The crucial mistake people make. The thing that holds up the line! The bottleneck. The thing I curse people for…

Instead of collecting your belongings out of the bins, putting the bin under or over the belt, and walking away to re-dress…people stand there! They bloody stand there with their bin still on the belt so the scanner person can’t put any more through until there’s room to move them down the line. They put their belt back on. Their shoes and lace them. Their coat and button it. Their laptop into it’s case and zip it and then put it into their rucksack. Their liquids back into wherever they pulled them from.

Just so you know, Bottleneck Bill…..while you’ve made it through the magical archway to freedom…six people back, I’m secretly throwing daggers at you with my eyes. As fast as I can undress for security, I can grab my belongings in half that time. (I think I’d make a pretty good bread snatcher in Aladdin days). I look a lot like Rachel Ray balancing ingredients on 30 Minute Meals: liquids bag in my teeth, laptop under one arm, coat and scarf under another, rucksack slung over one shoulder hanging open for my laptop…it’s probably a pick-pockets dream….but it’s also the dream of the person six people back who just want to get through security.

So, just as a friendly note to people who like to stand at the end of the security line and re-dress and pack your bags…don’t. Please. For the sake of all that’s good and holy in the airport world. Be considerate. And just don’t.